I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
