you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
