At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
