I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
