What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
