we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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