I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
