I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
