i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
