I'm gonna have a badass scar
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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