i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
