I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
