My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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