He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
