the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
