At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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