Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
