arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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