Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
