Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
