everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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