I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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