i love accidental penises.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
