home. puking in laundry basket.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
