Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
