I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
