Do you still have your period?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
