This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
