its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
