worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
