I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
