I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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