saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize