you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
