do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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