No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
organizing the empties. That sober.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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