Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
