i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
