Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
