so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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