why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
did i just pee glitter
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
