i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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