But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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