were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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