there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
