Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
soo... how was my night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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