Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
