I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
