I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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