You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
