i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
