So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
