I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize