Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
