I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
