Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
