Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
