we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
