drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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