Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
