I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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