i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
