the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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