Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
