im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
