Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
